Find your purpose! Follow your passion! Really? Fuck you!
I’m sick of reading, hearing, and seeing that advice. It’s not helpful. In fact it hurts.
I have too many big important interests that draw me in so many exciting directions. Having a single purpose is preposterous. Plus, there days when I have a crapload of actual work I need to do and none of it has to do with “my grand life’s purpose.” I’m not going to find my purpose so stop telling me I should.
For most of us out here,† at least every single person who’s worked with me, the idea of “finding my purpose” is oppressive and depressing or irrelevant or, at best, a beautifully, temporarily inspiring fantasy. This is what a lovely man from Vietnam wrote me yesterday.
“What got me depressed the most is I haven’t found my purpose, my reason for the time being on earth.”
I do not believe “finding your life’s purpose” is possible for most people. I do not believe “follow your passion” is the path to a passionate life. I suggest you stop looking before you follow your self into a deep hole.
What’s useful about Purpose and
Passion (for me).
The concept of Passion (with a capital P) is useful to me when it’s about doing what I believe in. For me, Passion involves small experiments every week to try out my beliefs in the physical world and see if, sure enough, doing it feels right in my bones. That’s it.
There is not single purpose for me. There is not one answer. There is no single calling. I think that’s true for a lot of us. In contrast,
We connect to Passion through the different roles we play.
Here’s how I locate Passion.
- Explore the role I play in each situation.
- Discover “where the heat is,” where my work creates more energy by helping others or shifting something in how I see the world.
- Figure out what to do next week.
- Do it.
- Repeat.
What role generated some heat for you last week?
As far as purpose goes (no cap), I think Steve Martin had it right in The Jerk, when he described what his mother called his “special purpose.”
Beyond that,
It’s up to us to develop deep enough, conscious enough, creative and loving work in the world and do our best to keep doing it.
†If you found your purpose and it’s working for you, then please tell me about it. I love hearing those stories. They’re rare and worth spreading, and I mean that, but also please tell us how you came to it. (Reply to me personally or tell us all in the comments.)
David, I so agree with this. I struggled for years trying to “find” my purpose and said “fuck it” I just want to have fun. And guess what…that’s how I know I’m doing it right or not…am I having fun doing it? So there…that’s my purpose, have fun and get others to have fun with me. And in that I can make money, raise kids, find love, give love, explore, learn, experience, you name it and it all has a Purpose with Passion!!
I’m so happy this fits for you. I really like your path to Purpose and Passion much better.
I agree. Trying to find a purpose can get in the way. The search for “the” purpose can be paralyzing. My purpose arises from my nurturing personality and my roles: as a parent, an adult daughter, and someone who helps people find jobs. For years, I’ve undervalued those things because I was seeking something bigger. But it doesn’t have to be a grandiose mission; it can be a series of innumerable small moments that do indeed comprise my “purpose.” And that matters.
Yeah, Fxck Thxt! Stupid Purpose! Well, I suppose for me it just feels right to be an artist, whatever that means. It seems like all my life that’s what I should have been doing because it’s so easy and enjoyable, and it really is how I connect with the world in the best way that I know how. I may not be the best at this or that other thing, but art I know I can do and it gives me so much joy. So I suppose by the traditional definition, that is my purpose. When I was younger I was very confused by this “purpose” concept and I took a lot of those kinds of tests that are supposed to tell you what your ideal profession or direction in life should be according to how you answered all of those multiple choice questions. They always told me I should be a priest (huh?), a doctor (don’t like cutting people, no thanks), or an artist (duh). So yeah, fxck that. Or them. Or me. Or whatever. Anyhow yeah, just stop using this “purpose” thing to try to make people feel bad, fxckers.
I started using “f#@k” instead of “fuck” because of spam filters. But “fxck” is pretty good too.
Marshall Rosenberg developed Nonviolent Communication in war torn countries. The basis of non-violence is the idea of meeting needs and feeling good, definitely not about “purpose.”
“We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.” —Marshall Rosenberg
Now that he has retired, his instructional videos are free on YouTube.
Meeting needs and feeling good. I think those are perfect and simple criteria!
Yes, yes, yes.. David.. I’m with you on this.
I also don’t like the idea of telling everyone to do their “art”. That’s another trend circulating the personal development world. Art has too strong of an emotion attached to it and I think telling people (who have never seen themselves as artists) to do “art” is more confusing than it is helpful. I’m currently working on a post about this very topic.
Great post
Thank you Denise. I’m always having to remind people when they do collages for their roles, “This isn’t art. You aren’t trying to make anything pretty. You’re doing this to see if something interesting happens.”
Then again, that’s art.
Oh David. Thank you!!! My husband told me I had to check you out, and I’m so glad I did. I scrolled down and the title of this post jumped out at me. How comforting to find that the post lives up to the title. I mean, really, we all have one unique purpose? What rot!
Of course, I do like to hear those stories of people who find what they consider their purpose, but I was in a car accident when I was 17 and told that I was “saved for a purpose.” I thought that was a heck of a lot of pressure to put on someone lying in a hospital bed with a broken pelvis and femur who couldn’t walk. (I can now and am loving life!)
Thanks Tammy. Humans are great at making up stories. It’s one of our best traits as a species. I think when we get overwhelmed with fate, the cliché “It must be for a reason” gives comfort to some people. What a bunch of crap to lay on a 17 year old. Thanks for the story!
I Believe our purpose is to Love.
Everything else we do are roles that we play
in Life. Love starts with loving yourself first
and then loving and helping others. Being
an example of a kind and loving human
being is a great purpose.
Hi Gloria,
I like your capital Belief a lot, and I’d say it’s one of the values I hold as deeply as any. Maybe John and Paul had it right, all we need is love. Nah, pie baking must be on the list as well– and those triangular blocks that keep airplanes from rolling away, and pockets. What would we do without those?