Look into the unknown future and make a wish. It’s one of the best ways I know to build a clear picture of what’s really important to you. And having that picture helps you focus on the present. Every year I gather with a group of friends, colleagues, and students in a year-ending-and-beginning ritual. Here’s a piece of it to try yourself. Consider each role you play, and finish the sentence starting “As a _____ before I die, I want to _____.”
(2013 update, toward making a Year’s Plan)
Once you’ve stated the things you know you want to do in each role, go back and complete this clause “And this year I will ______.” This makes for the beginnings of a great Year’s Plan.
I write mine on 3×5 cards. My list for the coming year follows. (Wow, I just noticed what has changed from 18 months ago! And what stayed the same. Notice that some of them include very very small steps.)
But wait! Before you read on about mine, please try this exercise and add one of your goals to the comments below. “Saying it out loud” this way can be very powerful. Be brave.
My List: January, 2013
As a Pilot, before I die, I want to make a life I believe in. And this year I will grow Pilot Fire into a viable business.
As an Artist, before I die, I want to reconnect to the sublime through symbols and dreams. And this year I’ll light a candle to the muse, the angels, the ghosts, and start painting again.
As a Connector, before I die, I want to build a vital community of people helping each other do things that really matter. And this year I’ll launch a tool that will help them do that, and take a tour with my goggles to get them started. (See below)
As a Father, before I die, I want to explore an unfamiliar, far away land with my daughter. And this year I will plan a road trip where she can drive us through unfamiliar lands.
As a Finisher, before I die, I want to know how to finish almost anything I start, and this year, I’ll finish 10 valuable attention management tools people can use!
As a Teacher, before I die, I want to give a Ted-like talk people really care about. And this year I’ll practice through my webinars and presentations.
As a Singer, before I die, I want to sing through my bridge with ease. And this year I’ll sing every day and trust my teacher will lead me there.
As a Lover, before I die, I want to make another go of it. And this year, I won’t chase women, at least before July.
As an Artist, before I die, I want to interview Laurie Anderson about failure, and this year, I’ll tell her.
As an Artist, before I die, I want to interview Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi about failure, and this year, I’ll tell him.
As a Homemaker, before I die I want to live in another country. And this year I’ll travel to one.
As an Entrepreneur, before I die I want to, build businesses that pay me enough money to do things I really care about, and as a Breadwinner, before I die, I want to always have enough money. And this year, I’ll make half of enough money through Pilot Fire.
As a Stoker, before I die, I want to take excellent care of this precious body. And this year I’ll heal my sciatica so I can run again.
Many of these goals were established six months ago in my Plan to Stop Sucking and Kick Ass.
The List I Made in June 26, 2011
As a Pilot, before I die, I want to make a life I believe in.
As an Artist, before I die, I want to see my play, The Stillings performed.
As a Son, before I die, I want to be with my parents when they die.
As a Father, before I die, I want to explore an unknown, far away land with my daughter.
As a Writer, before I die, I want to inspire people with my own passionate endeavors, the ways I’ve learned to take them on, and the inspired people who inspired me.
As a Singer, before I die, I want to sing through my bridge with ease.
As a Citizen, before I die, I want to help improve trust, respect, and collaboration between neighbors and police.
As a Stoker, before I die, I want to take excellent care of this precious body.
See how other Pilots are steering toward their dreams
How about you?
Write a comment about the roles you play, and what you want to do before you die.
The beauty of setting goals like these..”before I die I want to…” is that is strips away the unnecessary. Once I set down in writing, or confess to others out loud, what I really want then it’s out of my heart and into the world. It’s scary, because then I have to face the reality that if I really want something I have to (get to?) take the steps to make it happen. Sometimes that does not just involve active steps toward bringing the things I want into my life but also removing obstacles, stripping away that which may get in the way of ultimately getting what I want. Sometimes it’s surprisingly hard to let things go.
This spring I read a book about learning that changed my perspective. It’s called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, written by Carol Dweck. The basic premise is that there are two ways of thinking about human potential – intelligence, creativity, capabilities, etc. The fixed mindset states that these qualities are given to you at birth, vs. the growth mindset, which means these qualities can be cultivated over time. The gift of the growth mindset is that the passion for stretching yourself and sticking to your goals, even when (or perhaps especially when) they are not going well allows people to thrive, because you believe that learning, growing, changing, and eventually reaching a goal is possible. I’ve always viewed myself as a creative, “out of the box” thinker. Imagine my shock to find how much of my life was controlled by the fixed mindset I carried.
So, before I die I want to develop the growth mindset and train myself to recognize when I’m falling into a fixed way of thinking that can only hold me back from achieving my dreams.
That’s an excellent goal and a great book. I think going through this exercise also helps us to change our mindset to be more growth oriented. Thanks for sharing!
Before I die I want to spend time with my grandchildren. This is the assumptive close, if you’re talking sales talk. I’m assuming my children want children and then I’m assuming a nice, ripe old age. Seeing that they are only 9 and 12 and I’m 52, hmmm, I’m going to be here for a while yet. I’ll take it. And in this nice package, I get to experience the growth and development of my children, who they’ll chose as partners, what career path they will take, what influences they will choose to follow. Oh, it’s going to be great before I die!
I made an edit to this post this morning. I used to have more bucket-listy things on my list, and a friend suggested they weren’t as powerful or as relevant as the others. It’s true. I took my own advice, removed them, and focused on the specific goals I have for my roles. It feels right. Thanks Matthew!
I love this exercise, because it puts everything into perspective. Especially for someone like me, who has too many interests and seems to always be going in too many different directions, this is something that helps to bring focus on the most important stuff. It takes my cacophony of confetti and sorts it all out into a short menu of imaginable items. If this was a restaurant, on it’s menu would be the most delicious small plates that I could eat and not be overwhelmed or get too stuffed.
Before I die, I want to do something that will keep me alive in people’s heart. This time I don’t know what is that but I am waiting for the right time and right thing…
New Year approaching so time for reflection, again. There isn´t a specific thing I want to do. It is more about the mindset of how to approach (attack) life. I don´t want there to be any regrets from being passive or caving in to fear that held be back from taking action. So before I die and upon my last breath, I want to have the feeling of accomplishment and that I gave it my all.
Beautiful.
The original list is from June 2012. I’m learning a lot by having it remain intact here in public. My dreams are changing, and my relationship to pursuing them is changing.
Rahul, I found the best way to stay alive in someone’s heart is to love them, to inspire them, to know them well enough to give them what they need.
Giving life our all is all we can give. <– bumper sticker.